I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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