They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
