Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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