I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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