would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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