she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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