Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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