I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
