I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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