in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
