You smell like a Billy Joel song
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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