Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
