god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
