no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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