I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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