I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
