Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
