My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
