I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
