Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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