I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
