just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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