Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
