I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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