So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What drink are we having for lunch?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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