make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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