Porn is love you can see.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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