I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
