Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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