i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
