Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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