i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
