its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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