girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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