I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
