So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
