New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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