Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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