i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
