I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
