Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We left the knife in your bed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
