You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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