Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
