I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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