I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
