last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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