It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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