Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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