don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
