well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
