I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
