I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
