Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
