i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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