He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
