is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
