ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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