I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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