Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
