no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
