so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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