please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
