I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it's like iHOP with fire
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize