i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
