how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
