I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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